Especially if you are new to the counseling space, determining if your therapist is a good fit for you can be a daunting task. Much like any profession, there is tremendous variance in how counselors do their job.
However, these are a few baseline characteristics that I think every mental health counselor should have.
In consultation with several other therapists, I have curated these 10 characteristics to look for in an effective therapist:
Therapeutic Alliance:
Studies suggest that even above empathy and other obvious factors, a strong therapeutic bond including goal consensus and collaboration is the strongest factor to produce lasting change in clients. In other words, a therapist that you feel safe with and who is proactive in helping brainstorm therapy goals is a great start for any client counselor connection.
This is a therapist who within the first few sessions, inquires about what is currently bringing you into counseling, what goals you want to accomplish, and even encourages you to take a break from counseling once set goals have been reached. This prevents therapy becoming a randomized journey with zero direction or specific goal in mind. Rather, it becomes a highly proactive journey towards specific desired outcomes.
If you are currently seeing a counselor and are unsure of the strength of your bond, your willingness to broach the fact that you are unsure of the strength of bond you have with them should tell you all you need to know.
Good Questions:
Foundational to the counseling process, good and challenging open-ended questions are a staple for any counselor’s therapeutic toolbox. A good counselor will harness the power of questions more often than trying to teach and over-explain, for a well placed question can often teach what a hundred words could not. Jesus himself was a master at this (Matt 5:47, Matt 6:27, Luke 12:57, John 14:9, etc.)
Asking good questions perfectly blends a passive and directive approach to counseling. Consequently, the client experiences direction and personal revelation.
Questions can lead a client to personal discovery of much greater impact than a long winded explanation by a counselor. We have all experienced this phenomenon in some capacity, for personally discovering something for ourselves often leaves a greater impression than being told.
I have experienced this in my own counseling practice. A well timed question has often led a client to an “ah ha” moment that was rejected just a few moments before when I tried to speak to it directly. Not that personal insight is irrelevant, the contrary is true! But how a counselor communicates personal insight is vital, this is where insightful questions can be so powerful.
Active Listening:
Active listening, though basic, is vital for an effective counselor to communicate care and concern to clients. Without it, an effective therapist cannot respond appropriately to the verbal and nonverbal cues given by clients.
Active listening can present in a variety of ways, below are a few staples:
- Asking open-ended questions
- Being fully present in the conversation
- Using strong eye contact
- Summarizing and then reflecting back what was said
- Listening to understand rather than to respond
- Avoiding judgment
- Noticing non-verbal cues
In short, active listening involves decentering from one’s own internal experience and shifting complete focus and attention on that of another.
Appropriate Self-disclosure:
The therapeutic process is, first and foremost, about client care. There are no exceptions to this rule. As a client, I doubt you want to pay money for personal anecdotes from your counselor about how Uncle Bill is organizing the 17th annual neighborhood pickleball tournament.
Self disclosure can be a powerful tool to help clients feel seen and understood, but it can often be misutilized. A self disclosure should be for the client, not for the therapist. If you sense your therapist constantly trying to revert back to their personal experience rather than trying to first understand your experience, I would guess you do not often leave feeling deeply understood and I would encourage you to discuss with your therapist. This segues to my next point.
Ability To Receive Feedback & Resolve Conflict:
Counselors are people too, we often make mistakes in the counseling room, misunderstand things, or awkwardly fumble around with our words. In fact, counselors can be some of the most destructive individuals if their responsibility is not harnessed with care and concern.
With that in mind, a humble and effective counselor should possess the security and resilience to admit when they have made a mistake, and receive feedback from a client. Especially if you as the client are feeling hurt or misunderstood, the most therapeutically loving thing a counselor can do in those moments is offer curiosity and concern towards you in an attempt to resolve and reconcile.
Resolving conflict with your therapist can actually be one of the most healing aspects to your relationship with them, and can expedite the therapeutic alliance. Because of this, I would encourage clients to bring any conflict that you have to them. You will find out a lot about your counselor both professionally and personally by how they manage and resolve conflict with you.
What I am not saying is to absolutely demolish your counselor (please don’t do this) the second you feel off about how they handled a situation, but just be willing to gently broach any concern you have with them.
Affirming And Challenging:
Much of the counseling process looks like the counselor walking with a client through a journey of self-discovery and healing while encouraging the client and pointing out possible blind spots. To blend both of these characteristics offers two possibilities of growth for the client.
By affirming, a counselor can redeem previous experiences a client has had of being ignored, misunderstood, or judged. Conversely, gently challenging a client’s thinking can also lead to redemption through the appropriate correction of false thinking or unhealthy tendencies.
I can hardly think of a more detrimental approach to counseling than to exclusively affirm, for this leads to unrealistic expectations for the client and teaches them that their emotional experience is valid above all others. Conversely, a therapist that constantly challenges without first affirming will quickly lose touch with their clients.
By combining both approaches, an effective therapist has the freedom to affirm your internal emotional experience and challenge thinking, behaviors, or feelings that are unhealthy or unrealistic.
Take a moment and reflect on your own experience with your counselor, are they always affirming? Challenging? Or do they offer an appropriate amount of both?
Appropriate Biblical Integration:
Biblical insight is the foundation for Christian living, it is a lamp unto our feet and light unto our paths (Psalm 119:105). It is sufficient for all things it pertains to, and is inerrant in its composition. However, of no consequence to our salvation found in Christ, it does not often speak directly to psychological realities (attachment theory, codependency, PTSD, etc.) and the associated treatments.
Because of this, effective counselors who are Christians should be able to appropriately integrate their biblically based beliefs with the vast body of psychological literature available. This will allow the therapist to provide the best possible care to their clients using a robust and comprehensive framework of health and healing.
Conversely, A therapist who only references scripture to direct clients may not be able to comprehensively treat and care for a client struggling with chronic suicidal self-harm, PTSD, eating disorders, or other psychological illnesses. The result can often be what John Welwood (1980s psychotherapist) coined as, Spiritual Bypassing to describe the phenomenon of using spiritual ideas and practices to avoid complex psychological issues.
It is important to know where your counselor lands on the spectrum of spiritual integration, each position offers positives and negatives. A “Biblical Counselor” will likely view scripture as completely sufficient to treat clients while a Christian psychological approach starts with scripture, but looks to integrate modern psychology in all of its vast body of knowledge.
By simply asking your therapist where they stand or reading up on their approach (if available) online, one can hopefully make an informed decision.
Competence:
Though somewhat difficult to quantify, an effective therapist will have a variety of skills, knowledge, definitions and therapeutic interventions at their disposal. Mindfulness, meditation, assessments (Anxiety, PTSD, personality, etc.) handouts, academic resources, and homework can all be part of a counselor’s skill/knowledge set in addition to a baseline knowledge of diagnoses and associated symptoms. Having a therapist that can succinctly and accurately define what you might be experiencing can be immensely enlightening
No two therapists are alike, there is extensive variance in how one therapist may facilitate therapy vs. another. Psychology Today (database for psychotherapists) can be a great resource both for finding a therapist, and reading up on a therapist before scheduling a session. Each profile gives information pertaining to a counselor’s specific focus, therapy model, specialties, expertise, education, pricing, and insurance.
Checking to see if a counselor’s school is CACREP (The Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs) accredited and/or reading up on their school’s counseling program might give you some insight as well.
Directive Yet Patient:
A therapist who is too passive will allow you to simply ramble for the entire hour while a therapist who is too directive does not allow adequate space for you to explore and discover your thoughts and feelings. Therefore, an appropriate blending of the two is necessary
An effective therapist will be able to sense when firm directiveness might be needed while also being able to sit back and let you process. Much like bowling lane bumpers, a good counselor should provide small corrections every now and again depending on your need.
Because of this, understanding yourself is key. If prone to distraction, rambling, or losing focus, you may need a therapist who is not afraid to be a bit more direct in order to keep things on track. If you feel that you can stay present and focused on a particular area for a while, perhaps a counselor who is able to be more patient would be helpful. If you are unsure, just ask your counselor. I promise you that they have thought about your ability to stay on track, may or may not be speaking from experience.
Ability To Draw Out Your Story:
Our stories are intricate, convoluted, and fraught with ambiguity making it difficult to draw out and discern. We are creatures of immense variability and complexity.
Our childhood and adolescent years are a gold mine of specific data points that undoubtedly contributed to the development of our emotional, social, and neurobiological development. An effective therapist is capable of making tangible connections to past experiences and present behavior. This is vital in understanding why we do the things we do, and gives clues to how we can heal from them.
Childhood, family life, family dynamics, relationship to father, relationship to mother, emotional dynamic of family, extended family, puberty, high school, church, jobs, parental absence, and even the story of our birth can have profound impact to our self-esteem, self-confidence, social skills, and even ability to regulate our own emotions.
Because current behavior is so often a manifestation of the past, a good therapist values the past, and does not only look to remedy present behavior. To do so would miss key data points that are vital to understanding and helping clients.
Summary
There is much more to be discovered in therapy, and much more to be discovered about a therapist. But, hopefully this can set the groundwork in your journey to finding a good and healthy counselor who will accompany you along your journey of restoration.